


Responsible

by dearjoanwallace



Category: Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles (TV 2003), Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles - All Media Types
Genre: Absent Characters, Adventure, Angst, Conflict, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gen, Hurt/Comfort, Injury, Major Character Injury, Self-Doubt
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 00:53:30
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 4,160
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10560630
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/dearjoanwallace/pseuds/dearjoanwallace
Summary: Leonardo questions his leadership abilities in Splinter's absence when his brother gets injured during a mission.





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Responsible
> 
> By Kellyanne Lynch
> 
> 12-18 May 2008
> 
> Beta-Readers: Quoth The Raven, Alyssa Barnes, Heather King
> 
> Disclaimer: I do not own the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles. I don't profit from them either. In fact, Raph owes me twenty bucks.
> 
> Summary: Leonardo questions his leadership abilities in Splinter's absence when his brother gets injured during a mission.
> 
> Rating: PG-13

"Okay," Leonardo breathed. He glanced over his shoulder before huddling closer to Michelangelo and Raphael in the bushes along the perimeter of the dark government building. "We're going to lay low while Donnie taps into the security system and..."

"Screw that!" Raphael hissed.

Leonardo shook his head as he tucked it in his hand. Not again. "We need to wait!" He enunciated each syllable through a snarl.

"Like shell we do!" Raphael crossed his arms. "We can't just sit here!"

Leonardo frowned. "Raph..."

"Would you quit it with the superiority shtick? Nobody put you in charge!" Motioning to Michelangelo, he said, "Mike, we're going in!"

Raphael and Leonardo looked to their youngest brother, bobbing on his toes and holding his nunchucks at the ready. Under Leonardo's glare, Michelangelo flashed a sheepish smile and slowly tucked his nunchaku back in his belt. "Um, sorry, Raph!"

"Forget Leo! He ain't in charge! Let's go!" Raphael turned on his heels and sprinted low to the ground through the bushes.

Michelangelo turned to his oldest brother. He grimaced and shuffled his feet. "Um, I should go, you know, like, cover his shell... yeah!" He ducked his head and followed after Raphael.

Leonardo hissed through his teeth, wagging his head and glaring after the two. The fools! He could only argue with them and assert his leadership for so long. Raph never listens, and the others frequently follow him when he runs off and does whatever he feels like doing. What could he do? They were almost adults. They should be responsible for themselves. Why the shell was Leonardo constantly putting that weight on his shoulders? He shrugged.

"Donnie!" He spoke into his shell cell to his intelligent brother. "How's it going with the security system?"

"My algorithm is working," Donatello's voice returned, laced with static. "While that's been chugging away in the background, I've managed to bring up the schematics to the facility. I think I've located the lab. There are three entrances. The main door should be guarded. There are also two vent shafts leading into the room. I think you and Mike..."

"Mikey's gone," Leonardo grumbled. He scowled in the direction of the bushes. "He just charged toward the building with Raph, who went all Lone Ranger again."

"And you didn't stop them?"

"Well, apparently, it isn't my responsibility," Leo snapped, scowling at the shell cell. "Look, I am not my brother's keeper! If he wants to do it his way, who am I to stop him?"

"Did you at least try to stop Mike? He listens to you."

"Yeah, well not today," Leonardo mumbled with a shrug.

Beeping and clicking resounded over the shell cell. "Okay, and... we're... IN! Okay, Leo, you're cl... oh, shell!"

"What?" Leonardo's back stiffened.

"The security system just came back online! Somebody knows that we're here! They've just activated the building's defense protocol!"

"The what?"

"Weapons are firing up!"

Leonardo's eyes bulged in their sockets. "Shell!" he exclaimed. He hit 'end call' and then called Raphael.

"Are you joining us or what, Fearless?" Raphael answered his shell cell.

"Raph, you guys need to get out of there!" Leonardo shouted.

"No way!" returned the sharp retort. "We're in! We..."

"They're firing up weapons! You and Mikey need to fall back!"

TAT-A-TAT-TAT!

Leonardo jumped. "RAPH!" He swallowed hard, clutching the shell cell tight in his fist, grasping his sole lifeline to his brothers. "MIKEY!"

He broke into a run, charging through the bushes and for the building at full force. All the while, he shouted his brothers' names over and over into the shell cell, louder and louder. Maybe the close range fire had screwed with Raphael's hearing. Maybe he had dropped his phone. Maybe he was mid-battle and would answer him once he took care of a few goons. Maybe he was tending to Mikey. No, Mikey!

Leonardo rammed his elbow through the nearest window. Glass shattered everywhere. Shards jabbed through his skin. He ignored the spikes in his elbow as he jumped through the window and ran through the hallway. He ran and he ran, white streaking his periphery. A clammy palm clutched his shell cell to his mouth. "RAPH! MIKEY!"

He rounded a corner, and his mantra continued. He clenched the phone tighter and tighter, his knuckles turning white. His pulse was racing, thumping in his ears so hard that he barely heard, at long last, a strained reply.

"Leo..."

A sharp intake of air followed, then silence.


	2. Chapter Two

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Glossary:
> 
>  _Seiza_ – sitting on the back of ones legs, a traditional Japanese posture
> 
>  _Tsuka_ – the hilt of the katana
> 
>  _Jodan no kamae_ – a kendo stance where the katana is held up in the air, over the warrior's head

"RAPH! RAPH!" Leonardo didn't know how long he had called to his brother before he noticed the blinking purple light at the top of his shell cell. His finger was so slick with sweat, it slipped off the button. A second stab caught it.

"I've managed to shut down the defensive proto..."

Leonardo barely recognized Donatello's voice, let alone registered what he was saying. "Donnie, Raph's been hurt, and I don't know about Mikey," he managed, battling the bile that accompanied the words. He blinked hard and tightened his abdominal muscles. Pushing back the sheer panic that grappled his spirit, he focused on his next course of action. Clearing his throat, he continued in a stronger voice. "I need for you to sit tight. I'm calling Mikey. I will get back to you as soon as I can."

He didn't even give Donatello a chance to respond before ending the call and hitting the speed dial for Michelangelo. His brother answered with sobbing. _At least he's alive._

"Mikey!"

The sobbing continued.

"Mike!" Leonardo snapped, cringing at his tone. Lowering his voice, he said, "Talk to me! Are you all right?"

"Don!" cried Michelangelo, panting. "Donnie, you have to get over here! Raph's been shot!"

Leonardo's stomach dropped. His grip tightened on the phone as he pushed panic from his mind. "Mikey, this is Leo. Where are you?"

"There's blood everywhere! Oh, shell, Donnie, we really need you!" Michelangelo's breathing grew more laboured.

Leonardo winced. He put his emotions in check before he replied. "Mike, I need for you to calm down. Take deep breaths."

He could hear the fresh burst of tears.

"You need to calm down enough to tell me where you are," reasoned the oldest turtle. "I can't help you if you don't help me."

Michelangelo drew deep, ragged breaths. "We're... we're in the, the stairwell," he whispered. "You can get to… the stairs through a m… marked door around the corner… from the back entrance."

"Hold on, Mikey! I'm almost there!" Leonardo assured his brother, bolting down the corridor. He sailed right by the glowing red exit sign. A rapid double-back and he was yanking open the door.

Michelangelo's cries were immediately audible; the stairwell's echo only amplified his pain. Leonardo thundered down the stairs, footsteps thumping against metal steps. He only needed to round one corner. His heart leapt into his throat, and his feet ground to a halt.

Down a short flight of stairs was the building's final landing. Blood splattered the once white door, about a foot and a half above the door handle. But Leonardo wasn't looking at the stain. He looked to Michelangelo, whose back was facing him. The youngest turtle's shell trembled as tears wracked his muscular frame. Michelangelo was down on his hands and knees, leaning over a pale and shuddering form.

Leonardo swallowed a lump in his throat, a knot that seemed to cast his world into slow motion. He descended the steps with protracted footfalls. Even his thought processes decelerated. Treading around the pair ever so sluggishly, he only then realized that Michelangelo had removed his mask.

The once orange mask was a deeper crimson than Raphael's. Michelangelo had it tied, as a tourniquet, around his brother's pallid upper arm. Leonardo fought back nausea at the sight of the blood spurting from the area of the triceps in bright red arches, the blood that covered Michelangelo's hands and the side of the turtle's face, and the thick splatter pattern on the floor.

Slowly, Leonardo's sights washed over his fallen brother. Raphael lay heaving on the first floor landing, his head lolled to the side. His body rattled with each ragged breath. Raphael's closed eyes clenched tighter at intervals, his mouth firmly pursed.

Michelangelo raised his head. "I need your mask," he pleaded. His tear-stained, baby blue eyes – bare and terrified – connected with Leonardo. One look kicked time back into high gear.

Leonardo nodded. He drew his hands behind his head and untied his mask. He dropped it into Michelangelo's hand and took up his shell cell as his brother fruitlessly attempted to sop up the massive blood flow with the thin blue cloth. "Donnie, bring the battle shell around back. We'll meet you there," he instructed. He jammed the device shut and back into his belt before reaching for Raphael.

Slipping an arm behind the fallen turtle's shell, Leonardo propped his brother upright. "Mike, grab his sais," he directed. "We're getting out of here."

"No!"

The forceful tone startled Leonardo, to the point that he nearly dropped his brother. Raphael paid for that sudden outburst. He hacked into Leonardo's bicep and slumped in the turtle's grasp.

"No," Raphael sputtered. "We… we finish the mission." He blinked hard. He then focused on Michelangelo, looking the youngest in the eye. Through clenched teeth, he said, "Mike, call… Don. He will t… tell you where… the lab is. Get the… crystal."

Leonardo shook his head, his arm tensing against Raphael's shell. "No, Raph! We…"

"I didn't g… go down for nothing, Leo!" Raphael raged, glaring at his oldest brother. That glare fell to a coughing fit. He then looked to Michelangelo. "Mikey, get it for me."

Michelangelo nodded. He flipped open his shell cell and hit the speed dial for Donatello. His eyes never strayed from the phone.

"Donnie?" Michelangelo spoke into the device.

"Mikey!" Donatello's voice returned. "What's going on? Are you okay? What happened to Raph?"

Michelangelo's face crumpled. Tears fell anew.

"Mike," Raphael demanded, eyes closed.

Michelangelo swiped his eyes. He cleared his throat and continued. "I… where's the lab?"

"First floor," Donatello's voice returned. "You need to take a left at the…" His words faded as Michelangelo slipped out of the stairwell. The door thumped shut behind him.

"I can't believe you sent him off on his own," Leonardo protested. "What if…"

"Look, hero! Are ya g… gonna get me… outta here, or w… what?"

A sigh hissed out of Leonardo's nostrils. With a scowl, he slung his brother's uninjured arm over his shoulder and lifted him off the floor. A sharp gasp from Raphael softened the oldest turtle's features. "Are you…"

"I'm peachy!" Raphael retorted through clenched teeth. "Let's book."

Raphael pulled his arm off his brother's shoulder. Cradling his left arm with his right – holding a now purple mask against his gushing wound - he ascended the steps. Breath whistled more violently through grinding teeth. Leonardo walked directly behind his brother, his palms gingerly outstretched just behind Raphael's shell.

Raphael's wheezing was echoing by the time he reached the second floor door. He slid the door open. With a peek, he slid it back shut. "Ah, shell! We've… got c… company!" He leaned against the wall space beside the door and tilted his head back. He was huffing at the ceiling.

Leonardo reached for the door handle. "Stay here a minute. I'll take care of them."

Lowering his head, Raphael looked his brother in the eye. He narrowed his gaze and insisted, "I can fight."

Leonardo's eye ridge furrowed. "Would you listen to yourself? You can barely breathe, let alone fight!" He gestured to the other's empty hands. "You don't even have your sais! Just stay here."

Raphael gripped his elbow tighter. Glowering at the ceiling, he hissed. "Man… this sucks!"

Leonardo opened the door and immediately threw himself into a somersault, dodging a steady stream of automatic gunfire. The bullet hit the wall behind him in the stairwell.

"Holy!" he heard his brother exclaim.

Leonardo sprung to his feet. With a roundhouse kick, he slammed the door to the stairs shut. He then crouched low and assessed his opponents.

Five black ops commandos stood before him, dressed all in black, save their red eye shields. They each held a MP5SD submachine gun, and they each took aim. Leonardo crouched into _seiza_. Eyelids drooping to half mast, he looked to the floor a few meters ahead.

The ninja cleared his mind and focused on the commando's _sakki_ – their killing energy. He could see the men in his mind. He could sense their hands gripping their guns. He could feel their index fingers pulling the triggers. At that instant, he vaulted into the air. Bullets pelted the floor space where he once sat.

Leonardo grabbed hold of a pipe overhead. He swung his legs and growled as he nailed two commandos in the head, one with each of his feet. His hands went for his katanas next. He grabbed the _tsuka_ , and in one fluid motion, unsheathed his weapons and swung them in an X at arm's length. Blades struck the aluminum barrel of an MP5SD, knocking the gun from a commando's hands. A roundhouse kick shoved the man into the wall and to the floor.

Behind him, Leonardo could sense _sakki_. He grunted as he threw himself into a backward somersault and knocked a commando off his feet. The MP5SD hit the ground and discharged rounds into the ceiling. Leonardo flipped himself back to his feet and whacked the commando in the head with his katana's _tsuka_ before the man had a chance to rise.

The one remaining commando stood before him, gripping his gun and staring at the turtle. Leonardo latched onto the man's hesitance.

"Hiya!" Leonardo yelled as he raised his katanas overhead in _jodan no kamae_. He lunged the distance between him and the man in one fluid step, striking the other's arm as his foot hit the floor. The commando whirled the MP5SD in the turtle's direction. Leonardo elbowed him in the crook of the arm, forcing the man to drop the weapon. He rammed his foot into the gun, launching it across the room. He finished the kick with a blow to the commando's midsection. The commando went down.

Leonardo sheathed his katanas. Taking a deep breath, he again closed his eyelids halfway and focused his mind on his environment. He sensed no _sakki_. He consciously set aside thoughts of the battle that had transpired, storing them away for later contemplation.

Leonardo returned to the stairwell. He found Raphael slumped on the floor and against the wall space beside the door. His brother had succumbed to unconsciousness.


	3. Chapter Three

Leonardo crept into his bedroom. Guided by memory and the lambent glow of his nightlight, he approached his bed. There lay Raphael. His slumbering brother was half covered by a deep blue fleece blanket. The teenager's bandaged arm lay across the top.

Leonardo set himself down in _seiza_. He gazed upon his rough and tumble brother, who looked so young and sweet in sleep with the aggressive tension of the day flushed from his features. Leonardo had to smile. His little brother…

How could he let this happen to Raphael?

Leonardo dropped his head and tucked it in his hand. He was supposed to protect his brother; it was his responsibility to protect all of them. He was supposed to lead them out of harm's way. He certainly hadn't today. Both Raphael and Michelangelo had dived head-first into danger.

_And you didn't stop them?_ Donatello's words echoed through his mind. _Did you at least try to stop Mike? He listens to you._

No. No, Leonardo did not, but he could have. He could have argued with Raphael longer, have grabbed his and Michelangelo's arms, shouted after them... SOMETHING! Instead, Leonardo got frustrated and shirked his responsibility to his family. Raphael and Michelangelo had been foolish, but Leonardo knew better.

Master Splinter would be so disappointed.

Clenching his eyes shut, Leonardo sunk his head further into his plastron. When Master Splinter said he would be going away for a while, Leonardo could not even process the news. What would he and his brothers do without their sensei?

Splinter had never said so explicitly, but Leonardo knew that he was expected to take charge. He was the oldest. He had always been the most responsible, the most disciplined and committed to ninjitsu. Of course, he would lead in his sensei's absence. In the back of his mind, Leonardo had always known that such a day would come.

When he first realized the fact as a young turtle – that one day, he would lead - Leonardo felt the sheer thrill trill through his mind, body, and soul. This is what he was born to be and what Sensei had trained him to be. This was his purpose. The older he got, the more he realized just how important his role was in the family. He got more and more of a rush just thinking that, some day, he would be in charge. No longer would his brothers jokingly refer to him as Fearless Leader. No. Fearless Leader, he would be.

Then, two weeks ago, Splinter had called his sons to him one bitter night and had told them that he was leaving for a season. Now, leading the brothers would finally be Leonardo's responsibility. Rather than feeling empowered and proud as he always thought he would feel when that day were to come, he felt that excitement sour in the pit of his stomach.

Leonardo found that he could not even process the news. He had sat in silence as his brothers asked why and where. By the time Splinter left, Leonardo had only processed one truth - he did not want to be the leader. He needed Sensei to be.

Sixteen-year-old Leonardo knew he could take care of himself. He had the skill and discipline to be a great ninja. He already was. But could he lead? He certainly couldn't inspire his brothers. They were clearly not as committed to ninjitsu as he was. How could he lead them when they refused to focus and to be serious and certainly did not strive for perfection the way that he did? They tried his patience on a daily basis, especially Raphael.

Master Splinter had always been able to work with each son to realize his potential and to better himself. Raphael may have stalked off at times, and Michelangelo may have snuck the occasional comic book into the dojo, but in the end, Sensei was always able to keep them in line.

With each passing day, Leonardo felt his leadership slipping further and further. With each passing day, that sour feeling in his stomach festered. Everything tasted like acid – his esophagus, his food, his words… The fact that he had no idea what he could do or say to regain the reins of his family ate at him, if he ever really held those reins in the first place.

If he had been a better leader – if he were half the turtle Master Splinter expected him to be – Leonardo would be able to keep his family together. Instead, they strayed. And now Raphael was hurt, all because Leonardo could not inspire the trust necessary to lead his brothers.

_Splinter should have never left._ He cringed at the thought. He had no right blaming his sensei. This was his fault, his burden.

"I am sorry, my brother," Leonardo whispered, as tears fell hot against his palm.


	4. Chapter Four

Leonardo awoke gasping for air. Doubling over, he clutched at his midsection and fought for breath. A foot connected three times in rapid secession to his already throbbing plastron, and he cried out.

"Leo?!"

Lights flooded the room. Raphael's eyes widened as his hand came away from the lamp, as he took in the sight of his oldest brother curled up in a ball on the floor. His jaw slackened as he watched Leonardo hold his arms to his midsection, tears in his eyes.

"Aw, shell! Leo, I'm sorry!" Raphael exclaimed, reaching for his brother with his good arm.

Leonardo waved off the assistance. He scrunched up his face as he pulled himself to a sitting position. "It's… okay… Raph," he rasped. He panted for another minute before adding, "I should have… known better than… to fall a… asleep beside… a sleeping n… ninja."

"Yeah," Raphael snorted. "Especially this one! What the shell are you doing here anyway?"

Leonardo wheezed for another minute before drawing himself into a cross-legged position. "This is my room, Raph."

The two sat in silence. Leonardo worked on catching his breath. Raphael stared at his feet as his legs dangled over the edge of the bed. A minute passed before the two made eye contact, and then immediately looked away.

"Raph," Leonardo voiced at long last. Looking his brother in the eye, he asked, "Why did you charge into that building when we had talked about waiting for…"

"Aw, shell! Here we go again!" Raphael scowled. "Here comes another famous Fearless lecture!"

Leonardo shook his head. "No, really, I want to know."

"Oh." Raphael sat up straight and widened his eyes. "Well… I figured just sitting around at some government facility wasn't such a hot idea. I figured screw it if we set off some friggin' security system… of course, I didn't know the security system packed a punch."

Heaving a sigh, Leonardo furrowed his eye ridge. "See, why couldn't you have told me that in the first place? How am I supposed to know if you're just getting antsy as usual or if you have legitimate reasoning?"

"Hey, I don't get _antsy_!" Raphael protested. "I just don't like sitting on my shell waiting for things to happen! That's legitimate!" Glaring at his brother, he added, "I thought this wasn't going to be a lecture!"

Leonardo took in a deep breath and hung his head. "It's not."

Silence reigned again. Raphael stared at his downtrodden brother, watching as Leonardo drew his palms to his face and pushed his hands to his eyes. His scowl melted.

"Look," Raphael's voice cracked. He cleared his throat. "I don't know why you're getting all bent out of shape. We got the crystal back. Bishop can't finish the transmat. End of story."

Leonardo raised his head and stared at his brother. "You were shot!"

"So we were a little sloppy! Big deal! We still got the job done."

Gesturing to his brother's bandaged arm, Leonardo exclaimed, "It is a big deal! Raph! You lost a lot of blood, and if that brachial artery had totally been severed, or if you had been shot in the chest, you'd…"

"But I wasn't!"

"But you could have been! And it would be my fault that you would be dead!"

Tears surged. Leonardo squeezed his eyes shut, but his barricade just wasn't strong enough. The tears prevailed. The turtle drew his hands to his face and dug the heels into his eyes. The brothers again observed silence.

"Whoa!" Raphael voiced a minute later. "Is that what you think? Leo…"

His voice trailed off in time to lay bare a sniffle from his older brother. Raphael cringed.

"Look, Leo," his voice took on a softer tone. "You can't control everything. What I do is not your responsibility. I'm going to do what I'm going to do. Even Master Splinter can't always keep me in line. Why should it be easier on you as my brother than my own father?" Raphael smirked. "What can I say? I'm a pain in the shell."

Leonardo looked up and laughed. "Well, admitting you have a problem is the first step."

Raphael smacked his brother's arm.

Leonardo's smile faded. "I just wish Sensei was here."

"He'll be back," Raphael assured him, "and we're doing okay on our own. Mikey hasn't broken anything… major. Donnie hasn't blown up the lair. You and I haven't killed each other."

Darkness descended over Leonardo's features.

"Oh, dude! Lighten up!" Raphael smacked his brother again. "We're teenagers, and we're home alone! I say we've been too good! The rat's away. The turtles should play! Come on! We should be out there having fun right now!"

Leonardo smiled. "Maybe later… but nothing too crazy." He eyed Raphael. "But you need to rest, little brother."

"Yeah, yeah!" Raphael eased himself back into bed.

Leonardo got to his feet. Drawing his arms over his head, he stretched his still sore plastron. He then tucked in his younger brother.

Pointing to the floor, Raphael asked, "Are you still going to play guard dog?"

"No, I'll go sleep in your hammock."

Raphael nodded before closing his eyes. Leonardo took that as his cue to leave. He was heading for the door when his younger brother called to him.

"Hey, Leo?"

Leonardo turned to him. "Yeah?"

"Don't be beating yourself up. That's my job."

"Raph, go to bed already!" Leonardo smiled. He shut off the lights and left his room.

THE END


End file.
